Cuteness Machine

April 20, 2009

This past Saturday was National Record Store Day which is a celebration of independently owned record stores.   I was telling a friend about it and how I was excited by the prospect of some fat and sassy deals on some CD’s.  However, instead of sharing in my excitement she pointed out (correctly) that I don’t own a turntable and that most of the aforementioned sweet deals were only on records.  This was sobering news.   Out of spite for my loss of sweet deals I questioned why people even like records given that they lack many of the conveniences of digital music.  Turns out there is a reason, so I shut up about the subject.

Whatever your feelings on turntables might be, there is one undeniable use for them, and that is spinning inescapable webs of cuteness.  There are many ways a record player can be turned into a cute producing machine, however, the best is to place animals on them.

“But come now Taylor, how can that be?”, you might ask.  Well, I can best answer that with a simple math equation:

Kitten = Cute

Spinning = Fun

Therefore:

Kitten + Spinning = Cute Fun  (Or torture, according to some)

Above anything else the internet serves as a medium for the most perverse pleasures imaginable, so it was easy enough to find the video below.

My friend Tricia, of Stickers and Donuts fame, found this similar cuteness below.  Which is better?  That is for you, dear reader, to decide.

DJ Spinning Weiner?

DJ Spinning Weiner?

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NES Duck Tales Moon Music

February 23, 2009

Patrick and I proudly present to you one of the best 8-bit songs of all time, The Moon Theme from the NES gem “Duck Tales”, based on the show of the same name.  Composed by Yuukichan’s Papa of Mega Man fame.  Enjoy!

Food-Dog

February 20, 2009

We’ve all heard about how in certain parts of the world dogs are eaten by people.  Where exactly that is varies upon who you talk to, but if you ask me I’ll tell you it happens right here in the U.S. of A. (well at least in Chicago, which is perhaps the most barbaric of all major US cities).  Allow me to explain.

On our way to and form work my roommates and I grew accustomed to seeing a large man lumbering down the sidewalk with a tiny dog every morning and evening.  The animal on this man’s leash didn’t acutally look the part of a dog but rather a large, diseased cat or a throw pillow.  Now why would such a man have such a dog, we asked.  Our hypothesis were these:

  1. He was walking his girlfriend’s or wife’s dog (possible)
  2. He actually liked the thing (unlikely)
  3. He was raising it with the intention to eat it (obvious)

It can be reasonably assumed that the large man was plumping up Food-Dog for Thanksgiving (very much like the witch did with the children in Hansel and Gretal) and that was the reason for the animal’s continued existence.

Thanksgiving passed and we continued to see Food-Dog most days and we began to have doubts about Food-Dog actually being eaten.  However, fate was not so kind to the poor, delicious Food-Dog.  Around Christmas time, all sightings of Food-Dog ceased, and I think it is safe to say we all know what happened to the ill-fated beast.  One can only imagine the scene on Christmas Day when the large man unveiled the culinary masterpiece that was months in the making.  I’m sure if he had a family they were horrified.  His only response to interrogations by his family as to the reason why he slaughtered and cooked what they thought was their family pet was “It tastes so good.  My God,  you have no idea.”

However, where there is death there is also life.  Just yesterday, Patrick and I feasted our eyes upon the site of a brand new Food-Dog being walked by the same large man.
We gave the man and the dog both a knowing smile and walked on.

One of many ways a food-dog can be served.

One of many ways a food-dog can be served.

The Real Mr. Ed

February 13, 2009

Mr. Ed and Oats

Oh dear, oh dear.

February 12, 2009

Disaster!  Patrick’s Street Fighter training will be postponed indefinitely until he recovers from a back injury he sustained fighting on some streets.  Actually, the more likely scenario is that he hurt his back playing the drums on Guitar Hero for two hours and, sadly, he may never recover his old street fighting form.  This is particularly crushing given that Patrick had worked his way up to the 8-star level difficulty in Street Fighter 2.

However, as they say, when one door closes another opens.  Patrick has purchased Marvel vs. Capcom 2 for the Sega Dreamcast.  Yes, the Dreamcast.  Not surprisingly we own an embarrassing amount of game systems at our house,  last I counted we had seven different kinds of platforms.  Anyhow, as Patrick continues his rehab assignment in the Street Fighter Development League that is Marvel vs. Capcom 2 we will keep you posted.

First Post (Mission Statement)

January 31, 2009

Hi!  We’re Patrick Ehlers and Taylor Anderson you’ve had the misfortune of stumbling upon this Technological Terror we’ve constructed.  We’re not too proud of it, however, we urge you to read on.  This first post (mission statement) will serve as an introduction to the two of us and our lifestyles.  Lifestyle?  It’s actually possible that we are slowly fusing together to become the same person.

CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

  • When first viewing elevator doors (from the inside), our first instinct is to kick them, with our right foot
  • The most frequent youtube search on both our computers is “NES Ducktales Moon Music“.
  • Track 8 “The Prophet Song” on Queen‘s Night at the Opera: AWESOME.
  • “I looked down the barrel of the gun and I believed. I thought it was my destiny to get into this place. And someone died—a kid. Because he was stupid enough to believe that I knew what I was talking about. And the night that he died for nothing, I was sitting right up there, all alone, beating my hand bloody against that stupid door—screaming to the heavens asking what I should do. And then a light went on. I thought it was a sign. But it wasn’t a sign. Probably just you going to the bathroom.”  We both believe this.
  • Various other and sundry reasons.

Expect a post every weekday.   So expect it to be up sometime around noon every weekday with the possible exception of every major and minor holiday.

As some of you may know, February 17 is the US release date of Capcom‘s highly anticipated Street Fighter IV.  In preparation for this monumental occasion, Patrick will be undergoing stringent combat training under the harsh tutelage of Taylor.  While the training regiment has yet to be determined, we will keep you posted on Patrick’s progress as he experiences the staggering highs and devastating lows of Street Fighting.