We’ve all heard about how in certain parts of the world dogs are eaten by people.  Where exactly that is varies upon who you talk to, but if you ask me I’ll tell you it happens right here in the U.S. of A. (well at least in Chicago, which is perhaps the most barbaric of all major US cities).  Allow me to explain.

On our way to and form work my roommates and I grew accustomed to seeing a large man lumbering down the sidewalk with a tiny dog every morning and evening.  The animal on this man’s leash didn’t acutally look the part of a dog but rather a large, diseased cat or a throw pillow.  Now why would such a man have such a dog, we asked.  Our hypothesis were these:

  1. He was walking his girlfriend’s or wife’s dog (possible)
  2. He actually liked the thing (unlikely)
  3. He was raising it with the intention to eat it (obvious)

It can be reasonably assumed that the large man was plumping up Food-Dog for Thanksgiving (very much like the witch did with the children in Hansel and Gretal) and that was the reason for the animal’s continued existence.

Thanksgiving passed and we continued to see Food-Dog most days and we began to have doubts about Food-Dog actually being eaten.  However, fate was not so kind to the poor, delicious Food-Dog.  Around Christmas time, all sightings of Food-Dog ceased, and I think it is safe to say we all know what happened to the ill-fated beast.  One can only imagine the scene on Christmas Day when the large man unveiled the culinary masterpiece that was months in the making.  I’m sure if he had a family they were horrified.  His only response to interrogations by his family as to the reason why he slaughtered and cooked what they thought was their family pet was “It tastes so good.  My God,  you have no idea.”

However, where there is death there is also life.  Just yesterday, Patrick and I feasted our eyes upon the site of a brand new Food-Dog being walked by the same large man.
We gave the man and the dog both a knowing smile and walked on.

One of many ways a food-dog can be served.

One of many ways a food-dog can be served.


One Response to “Food-Dog”

  1. Dormammu Says:

    So, I checked my life expectancy using your link to Death Clock, and it gave me the identical prediction regardless of whether I selected “Non-Smoker” or “Smoker.”

    That was unexpected.

    – Dormammu Thu N’Derlizard, Esq.

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